The Stove and I

I have always been terrible at cooking. If there are more than three ingredients, hence my love for beans, then there will be no food. I have an uncanny ability to scorch, overcook, or just completely burn food. My mother is a great cook, I was just never really interested in the beginning of the food prep process, only the end when I would slice tomatoes for the salad. I’m awesome at fresh vegetables, sliced carrots, green onions, cucumbers, basically anything that takes a few slices with a knife. When it comes to fire/heat, I will either burn myself or the food. Here is a small list of things I have learned while burning food:

1. Just because you turn the heat up does not mean it will cook faster. (This mostly happens with brownies).

2. It is possible to make the smoke detector go off while boiling water.

3. It’s not a good idea to call your mom in the middle of cooking only to find out what you did wrong. Just keep cooking, it’s going to get burnt anyway.

The stove and I have similarities. We both need supervision while cooking and there is always the possibility, eh, guarantee that we will burn your food. I, unlike Paula Deen have no skills when it comes to cooking, but sometimes I think, maybe if I use three sticks of butter it won’t burn as bad…